As stated before, the concept of community is very broad. It can have a large number of conditions that define it beyond just the members in that community. With that complexity, stringent, hard and fast rules can limit growth. Rather than absolutes, consider some guidelines:

My own guideline not just in Community but for any group longevity. There are three crucial elements to balance (not in order of importance): Process, Play, & Productivity. The part that seems often to eclipse the others is ‘Process’, because so few people are given the tools to go deep while growing up, they must re-engineer themselves through herculean efforts as adults to gain the skills to ‘process’ effectively. The problem is that the other 2 elements if neglected can cause things to eventually fall apart. That said, much of the below are guidelines for Process.

From The Foundation for Community Encouragement:
(parentheticals are mine)

  1. Wear name tags. (or make sure everyone knows who you are)
  2. Be on time for each session. (be respectful of everyone’s time)
  3. Say your name before you speak. (maybe not necessary, see guideline 1)
  4. Speak personally and specifically, using “I” statements. (own your part and your perspective in the process, and let others speak for themselves)
  5. Be inclusive; avoid exclusivity. (shunning, dismissing, or even talking over others can be dehumanizing and communicates ‘…we’re all in this together, except for you’)
  6. Express displeasure in the group, not outside the circle. (contextually ‘the group’ is there to work/improve together, expressing displeasure outside the group prevents the group from solving the problem)
  7. Commit to “hang in there.” (committing to or investing in the outcome helps distribute the workload)
  8. Speak when moved to speak; don’t speak when not moved to speak.
  9. Be responsible for your success. (…and failure. A group of all leaders owns it all)
  10. Participate verbally or non-verbally. (talk and action)
  11. Be emotionally present with the group. (part of guideline 7 ‘hanging in there’)
  12. Respect confidentiality. (if it’s not only your story to tell, it’s best to leave it to individual or group to consent to opening up about it. Unless it’s concerning, harmful abuse.)

An additional note: “At the end, ask, ‘Do these ground rules work for everyone?’”

From Stephen T. Collis’ Habits of a Peacemaker

1) Intellectual Humility & Reframing
2) Seek Authentic Learning
3) Assume the Best in People
4) Don’t Feed Fears
5) Find the Best Arguments Against You
6) Be Open to Change
7) Spend Time With People
8ish) Recognize the Value and Type of Humor Those Around You Value
9) Seek Inner Peace
10) Embrace the Discomfort of Non-Closure

From The Dignity Index

  • Acceptance of Identity
  • Inclusion
  • Safety
  • Acknowledgment
  • Independence
  • Recognition
  • Fairness
  • Benefit of the Doubt
  • Understanding
  • Accountability

Brene Brown’s Braving Inventory

If her language speaks to you, the book Braving the Wilderness also has good advice for the individual being authentic while involved in communities and other organizations.

  • BOUNDARIES: Setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not okay, and why.
  • RELIABILITY: You do what you say you’ll do. At work, this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.
  • ACCOUNTABILITY: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
  • VAULT: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any in
  • formation about other people that should be confidential.
  • INTEGRITY: Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; and practicing your values, not just professing them.
  • NONJUDGMENT: I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.
  • GENEROSITY: Extending the most generous interpretation to the intentions, words, and actions of others.

From the Quaker Testimony of Integrity:

  • making sure that one’s words and actions flow from one’s beliefs
  • speaking the truth, even when it is difficult
  • paying people fair wages for their work
  • giving one’s employer the right amount of labor for one’s pay
  • saying difficult things with grace and tact
  • receiving difficult sayings gracefully
  • guarding one’s reputation for honesty, fairness, and fidelity
  • taking responsibility for one’s actions and their results
  • fulfilling one’s commitments
  • taking care of items entrusted to one
  • being open to the ideas of others but not being too easily swayed by them
  • confronting lapses in integrity in oneself and in others
  • giving credit to others for their contributions
  • assessing people and situations fairly and accurately
  • avoiding spending beyond one’s means through the use of credit