Why open ended questions?
First described in 1983, by William R Miller Motivational Interviewing has become an effective tool for therapists, coaches, and many other professions. In MI open ended questions are most preferred as they offer an open field to the interviewee, to tell their story and explore their views, values, strengths, and to foster a greater sense that they have important information to bring into the conversation.
In the context of coaching, it’s to reinforce that the client is the principle operative in their wellness and the coach is there to receive the information and co-create a program of experiments with the client that will actually work for them.
But what’s so wrong with a yes or no question?
Probably the best way to answer that is referring to professional negotiator Chris Voss’ book Never Split the Difference. In it he describes the Yes Pressure. When a person says yes, it sometimes can create anxiety in their mind. There can be hesitation, wondering what the catch is. Where are the blind spots? What am I getting myself in to?1 It’s important to pay attention to the type of yes that arises.
The 3 yeses we’d want to reflect on are:
1 Counterfeit Yes A person wants to say ‘no’ but either feels yes is an easier escape route or just wants to disingenuously keep the conversation going.
2 Confirmation Yes Generally innocent, reflexive response to a black or white question… mostly just simple affirmation with no promise of action.
3 Commitment Yes A true agreement that leads to action.
The 3 types sound almost the same so you have to learn how to recognize which one is being used.
Some circumstances can sometimes make it impossible to avoid a yes or no question. A coach’s job is to clearly designate the client the expert from the get-go, and coach the collaborator so that the best case is to be present for the ‘Commitment Yes’. That Commitment Yes is the guidepost for where the program leads.
1C Voss’ “Never Split the Difference” (2016)